My Testimony


My Testimony

 12/13/2006

A Bit of My Truth

 Approximately 18 years ago I began to get revelation knowledge about the “real truth” which had eluded me for my previous 60 years—all of which time I thought I was a Christian, living by Biblical principles.

My interest in the “real truth” was elevated to a new level of understanding for me in the past few weeks as I sought God—I needed Him to tell me His plan for what is left of my future days on this earth.  I’m desperate for the truth about my current situation, so I pretty much told God that I had to hear directly from Him in some way.  In fact, I hoped I would maybe even hear audibly or some other miraculous way. 

I have not been a big one to “fast and pray” but decided that I was willing to do so to hear His voice, so I decided to fast for one week.  No answer…so I added another day (day 8), then days 9 and 10.  I gave up.  But a few nights later I woke up in the night (I think around 2 or 3 AM) and couldn’t sleep.  I found myself thinking about the word “deception”.  I ended up having what seemed like a couple hours of self-dialogue about deception and finally got up and started to see what I could find on my computer.  I finally went back to bed, but in the morning I got up and began to research whatever I could find on my Computer Bibles and the Christian internet sites.  I spent much time over the next days focused on this topic of  “deception”.

Yesterday I believe it all came together for me in a meeting with a Godly counselor who has wisdom and a ministry in the area of “deception”.  It wasn’t so much, new insights that I got, but assurance of what God had been revealing to me (talking to me) –yet it was not the way I had been looking for.  So, God does it His way, not my way…but it is sure good to know He is still talking to me.  So, what was He showing me!

He was showing me that because I asked Jesus into my heart in a junior high Sunday School class and was a fundamental/Pentecostal church attendee for all these years, most, if not all my problems in life were a product of “deception.”  “My deception” no less!

Hang on!  You may not be able to embrace what I now know and believe is the truth.  Can a born-again believer be deceived?  Can a pastor or priest be deceived?  The answers to such a question is absolutely!

Well, if that is so, can that born-again Christian still make Heaven at the end of it all?  Being deceived may or may not lead to one losing their salvation.  The Bible says that the spirit of deception goes about trying to kill, steal, or destroy.  If our deception does not kill us (either physically or spiritually) it will steal and destroy.  It is not a matter of “if”, but rather “it will.”

So I must tell you about my own life and the role deception has played:

As far back as I can remember as a very small little boy, I was so often experiencing fear.  I am not saying that it was so much an overwhelming thing as much as a feeling of insecurity.  I had great parents who loved me very much and provided for my safety and needs.  My mother enrolled me in school at the age of four.  I never recovered from being the smallest and least mature emotionally and physically, as it followed me through each grade to my senior year.  My mother knew it was a bad mistake and told me as an adult, that she tried to get them to put me back a grade—but they refused to honor her request.

I share this point to demonstrate how a well-meaning mother could be deceived and then her child is visited by the spirits of fear, and insecurity.  Would my mother have done that on purpose?  Absolutely not!  But apparently she too was deceived in thinking I was ready for school, and it appears to me that Satan took advantage of it to start the deception in me.

I’ll spare you how these seeds of deception grew through my high school and college years, but I have many mini-horror stories that I could relate.  I will say that I did finally mature enough physically to appear as a fairly confident young man, mostly due to my success in college sports.  Notice that I referred to physical maturity and left out the emotional maturity (which had been stolen from me—have you yet recognized who the thief was yet?).

Most all of my deception was still in seed form or had only grown into small shoots at the time I graduated from college.  I was like a sheep going to the slaughter as I decided to journey away from home, taking a teaching job in southern California.  I had met a woman in college who was a Christian and convinced her to marry me.  We were greatly involved in our church and continued to do so when we moved to northern California.

The first major attempt of the enemy to destroy me came soon after I was asked to become the youngest deacon in the fairly large Pentecostal church.  I made a major mistake in going back to Minnesota for the summer as the tennis pro at Northern, Minnesota Tennis and Country Club.  My wife had planned to go with me and changed her mind, refusing to go.  I went anyway, as I felt I had to keep my commitment.  We both were wrongheaded in our positions on the matter—and more truthfully, we were deceived, pure and simple.  Before the dust cleared, she was in love with her boss who was 22 years older then she and he was an alcoholic just like her dad.  I had been seduced by an attractive mother of two whom I had been giving lessons to—and in shock made plans in 2 days to return to California.  Too late! 

Nobody including the pastor or board members ever showed up to see what was wrong.  I’m surprised that I survived the terrible thoughts and nights without sleep, and four months later cried my way back to Minnesota. I was the first one in our family besides my mother to graduate from college—a short-lived personal sense of self-esteem.  More importantly (negatively), I was also the first one in the whole family to get a divorce.  The shame was too much to bear.  Oh, I had learned about shame as a small boy, but this shame was a whole new level of pain.  I knew I was broken--"damaged  goods” as they say.  A family of my own was what I had hoped for more than anything in my life. And I could not see or believe I could ever have that desired dream (a lie I embraced).  In the depths of my being deceived, I had was failing at marriage.  Suffice to say that from the time I left California I was not walking in the Biblical truth, but did get back to being faithful to church once again later on.  However, I wasn’t really being taught the truths I would one day learn, to bring me out of my pit.

This is really only a small facet of the overall picture, but hopefully, it demonstrates how deception altered God’s best for me.  I am very thankful that I have come face to face with the truth.

All the above paragraphs detail what happens when we continue to live in “our own truth.”  So I had to choose to deal with my own deception, my own opinion, and my own perception.  I am well on my way out of that pit of deception—not to say I don’t have areas to address.  Admitting to my self-deception was a major 1st step.  Seeking scriptural truth helped me overcome the following strongholds: fear, shame, self-hatred, insecurity, rejection, control, striving, negative words, loneliness, manipulation, pride etc.  Little did I know most everyone has their own, similar list to deal with.  Now I can now see institutional deception, denominational deception, media and political deceptions well.

The truth is we have all been deceived in a variety of ways, have to gain understanding of generational curses and institutional abuse, and have to seek what the Bible says about our situation on a daily basis.  While I have addressed and overcome many of these strongholds, I know I will have to keep a close watch on each of them--as they will continue to visit me.  I now have the knowledge and ability to stand against these destructive forces.

The difference between right and wrong is deception—not perception.

 



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